Klaus Eats Broken Glass

Santa Claus has “Santa-fucka” embroidered on his bag of presents.
The license plate on his sled reads “THEBOXER.”
Santa Claus lives at the North Pole,
a strip club in Las Vegas.
His Reindeer wear spiked collars,
by their preference.
I once heard Kris Kringle ate broken glass on a bet.
I once heard Kris Kringle keeps his loan shark’s pinky in a glass jar,
because he got stiffed by the guy.
I once heard Kris Kringle keeps a .38 special tucked in his beard.
He only uses it for self defense, he assured me.
Father Christmas has at least a few SWIs.
That’s Sledding While Intoxicated, for the lightweights in the audience.
Father Christmas has a mug shot. He has it framed above his bed.
Santa’s gift giving thing is community service,
He won’t tell anyone what he did,
but he does have a scar around his throat.

There’s so much we don’t know about
the man crawling down our chimney.