I have conversations with myself.
This is about my writing process. Just a heads up.
Ok, so my writing has suffered lately. Ive been writing less and less, shorter and shorter, with continuously more depressing material. Nobody wants to hear depressing poems, get it together, man. I was thinking about writing a new poem. Lets see how this holds up to my current standards:
No winners. No beginnings. No stopping.
well that went well. While many people define their abilities by how well theyre doing, Ive found that my writing is defined by my weakest moments. I wait for people to read, and if nobody reads, if nobody takes any interest, then I realize that Ive screwed up. If I do well, I just wait for people to stop caring about that thing.
I judge how good I am by how many people give a damn about what Im saying. You can tell me all day that I should be writing for myself alone and that what other people think makes no difference. If thats the case, then every writer whos ever lived thats published a book or a poem was doing it for no reason. The fact remains that money, fame, and every other evil thing makes a difference. Im sorry if that upsets you, but I never understood why money and fame are so evil in the first place. Theyre things that make us feel good. Some people use those things to bad ends, but perhaps theres a gentleman somewhere mixing songs by Black Sabbath and Mr. Rogers. ANYTHING can be used to bad ends.
People have asked me where I get my ideas. I have no idea. I dont have a secret pocket located on my person, containing the secrets of the universe. Theres no Nighthawks style bar I attend to think about the complexities of modern life. I just get ideas. They fly in from nowhere. Hopefully, some of them stick.
My biggest fear, in terms of my writing, is that I will simply run out of ideas. Im not talking about writers block. Im talking about the day where I have a hundred ideas, and continuously come to the conclusion that Ive already written all of them. My brain will still keep working, but nothing new will be coming out. Its stagnation. Its the living death.
Perhaps Ive reached that point already. I mean, I have a lot of stuff that I have fully planned out in my head as it is. My friend MercyTheRose is currently developing my comic book for publishing. I have that planned out a LONG ways away. How about after that though? I used to spend all my time thinking, and I dont have that sort of time any more. I mean, I HAVE that sort of time, but I dont spend it in boredom like I used to.
I think that boredom is the most important element missing from modern life. Nobody can sit back and let the world pass them by anymore. We are always being bombarded with an onslaught of music and television, and op-eds about how Netflix is changing television. Waiting rooms no longer contain any waiting, just 12 people buried in their iPhones. This is not to say that waiting is inherently good, but I often have my best thoughts when Im bored. When we lose our ability to wait, its gone for a long time, and nobody can wait that long.
All this to say, perhaps my ideas come from unstimulating, pure boredom. I just cant sit around these days. Perhaps thats why my writing is suffering.
I wanted to write about this. No idea why.